How to make a safety plan for leaving an abusive relationship

A safety plan is a practical, personal tool that helps reduce risk when living with or leaving an abusive partner. This guide explains how to prepare for a safe exit with support in place.

Jump to:

• What is a safety plan?
• Why is it so hard to leave an abusive relationship?
• How to create a safety plan
• Keep your plan private
• Secure your devices and accounts
• Prepare important documents and essentials
• Plan accommodation and transport
• Plan how to leave with children
• Plan how to leave with pets
• Tap your support network
• Pack an emergency bag
• Know what to do if you need to leave immediately
• Useful resources and services

What is a safety plan?

A safety plan is a personalised, practical plan that helps you stay as safe as possible if you’re experiencing abuse. It outlines steps you can take to protect yourself, your children and your pets – whether you’re still in the relationship, preparing to leave or have already left.

It can include simple things like who to call in an emergency, where you could go if you needed to leave quickly, how to keep important documents safe, and ways to reduce risk day to day. A safety plan is not about telling you what to do or forcing you to leave – it’s about giving you options and helping you feel more prepared.

It can be tough to recognise the signs of abuse in a relationship, whether it’s your own or someone else’s – and even harder to leave. Abuse can be physical, verbal, emotional, sexual or financial. It does not need to be physical to be dangerous or criminal. Abusers use fear, threats and coercion to isolate and control their victims. Many people don’t realise what’s happening until they’re deep in it.

Your safety plan is yours, and you don’t need to make any big decisions today. Even if you’re not ready to leave, having a plan can help you feel more grounded and in control, even if leaving feels overwhelming or far away.

Why is it so hard to leave an abusive relationship?

“Just leave” is easy to say but not so simple in practice. There are a number of reasons why someone might stay in an abusive relationship:

• Few social bonds. Isolation from friends and family is an abusive tactic. Abuse is isolating – it destroys trust in others and yourself.
• The cycle of abuse. Abusive relationships may follow a destabilising pattern of highs and lows. This is the cycle of abuse that creates false hope and traps victims in abusive relationships.
• Distrust of support services. Some victims of abuse have learned not to engage with systems after poor experiences and inadequate support.
• Financial dependence on the abuser. Economic abuse is common – but you can retake your financial independence and live on your own terms.
• Concern for the safety of children and pets. Sharing children or pets with an abusive partner creates another justification to stay, whether to avoid uprooting their lives or out of fear for their safety. Left in the care of an abusive ex-partner, they can become victims of abuse or bargaining chips.
• Concern for personal safety. Abuse doesn’t necessarily come to an end when the relationship does. This is often when the abuse escalates: The period of eighteen months from separation is the most dangerous time for victims of domestic abuse.

Many people stay because they don’t yet know what their options are, or because everything feels too uncertain. Not knowing where you would live, how you would cope financially, or how life might look on your own can feel paralysing.

A safety plan can help reduce that uncertainty, one small step at a time.

How to create a safety plan

A safety plan for leaving an abusive relationship should be tailored to your situation. It’s there to provide a roadmap out of the relationship and keep you safe from your abuser. Specific organisations and support services can help you develop a plan. You know your situation best, so let them know of any safety risks or concerns and prepare accordingly.

Keep your plan private

Your safety plan must be concealed from your abusive partner. Only share it with people you trust or professionals helping to plan your exit. Changes in your routine can raise suspicions, so take every precaution.

Secure your devices and accounts

First, establish that any safety plan you make really is private. Consider checking and upgrading your digital security and learn to recognise the signs of technology-facilitated abuse. Perpetrators of technological abuse don’t need tech savvy when stalking software is easy to find and widely available online. Abusers can install monitoring software on victims’ devices and vehicles to access digital activity, hack accounts and track location. Apple AirTags are tiny and easy to hide in a car, suitcase or other personal item. Specialists like the Naturalena Tech Hub can conduct detailed safety assessments and suggest ways to stay safe.

Prepare important documents and essentials

Think about what you need to take with you. If you can’t keep the essentials hidden in one place (an emergency bag, for example), make sure you know their locations and can access them if you need to leave fast.

If it’s safe to do so, you may also want to quietly note down key information or photocopy important documents and keep the copies somewhere safe. It can be handy to draw up a checklist of key documents and necessities:

• Passport
• Driver’s license or proof of age card
• Medicare card
• Credit and debit cards
• Bank account details
• Birth certificate
• House and car keys
• Medication, including prescriptions
• Toiletries
• A phone and charging device – ideally, a secret mobile phone with a prepaid plan
• A few changes of clothes and underwear
• The contact details of trusted people, services and organisations in your safety network

Simply having it written down can make future conversations with support services easier and help you feel more prepared.

Plan accommodation and transport

Know where you’re going. Support services can help you find accommodation that suits your needs, whether it’s a women’s shelter for an emergency stay or a specialised program that supports longer stays. If you choose to stay at the home of a trusted person such as a friend or family member, make sure your abuser can’t find you there. If it’s the first place they will look, it’s likely not the safest option for you or for your safe person.

Find the fastest and safest exit route and practise it. If you are coordinating your exit with another person or support service, make sure you’ll be able to communicate with them. Establish backup options if it doesn’t go to plan – alternative routes, other modes of communication and transport.

Plan how to leave with children

The safest place for your children is likely away from your abuser. Abusers who have never hurt the children previously can become unpredictable and vindictive after separation. Also, children don’t need to be victims of abuse to carry its profound consequences.

Having your children stay with family members isn’t always an option. Women’s shelters provide temporary accommodation to women and children fleeing domestic violence. Specialised programs offer long-term tenancy to women with families over a longer period. Speak with your children’s school and develop a plan to keep your children safe and support their learning: Many teachers are trained to respond to children who have witnessed domestic and family violence.

Plan how to leave with pets

Abusers can manipulate victims by threatening harm against animals in their care. Concern for the welfare of pets keeps women in abusive relationships or forces them to return to unsafe situations. Before you leave, it’s a good idea to arrange short-term accommodation and care for the family pet.

This can mean asking a trusted friend, family member or even a local vet to take care of your pet. If you are entering a shelter, check if it’s pet-friendly. RSPCA Queensland and DVConnect also deliver the Pets in Crisis program, which provides free short-term care (up to a month) for the pets of victims of domestic violence.

If you are the registered owner of your pet, the Queensland Government suggests updating the registration and contact details on file and alerting the council to your situation.

Tap your support network

Bring someone you trust completely into your safety plan. This is your safe person. They can help enact your safety plan by holding important items (like your emergency bag), driving you to accommodation and supporting your safety and independence. You might agree on a specific word you will use when you’re ready to leave.

Reach out to support services and organisations that help victims of abuse. They can help you develop your safety plan, coordinate your exit and organise accommodation and transport.

Pack an emergency bag

Now that you know what you need to take, try packing your emergency bag in advance. If there is a chance that the abuser may find it, consider leaving the emergency bag with a person you trust or simply practise packing it until you’ve got it down.

Know what to do if you need to leave immediately

Make sure you can access – or pack – your emergency bag quickly, and that you know where you’re going and how to get there. Just like with the emergency bag, it can be helpful to rehearse your escape route until you’re confident, even if it’s as simple as walking to the train station or bus stop.

For your safety, carry your phone with you and ask your neighbours to call emergency services if they hear a situation escalating.

Remember, there’s no single right way to create a safety plan, and no set timeline – unless you’re in immediate danger, planning can happen gradually, with professional support.

Useful resources and services

You can access help through DVConnect, 1800RESPECT, QPS online reporting, the Be There app and local DFV services. You can also search our service directory of Queensland-based supports, housing options and safety information for Queensland women.

For more tips on how to leave, here’s a safety planning checklist from 1800RESPECT.